I Said I Couldn't be Serious Tonight

So here's a little funny:

HOW TO SHOWER LIKE A WOMAN:
Get in shower
Use face cloth, arm cloth, leg cloth, long loofah, wide loofah and Pumice stone.
Wash hair once with cucumber and sage shampoo with 43 added vitamins.
Wash hair again, just to make sure it's clean.
Condition hair with grapefruit mint conditioner enhanced with natural avocado oil, leave on hair for 15 minutes.
Wash face with crushed apricot facial, scrub for 10 minutes until red.
Wash entire rest of body with ginger nut and jaffa cake body wash.
Shave armpits and legs.
Turn off shower.
Squeeze off all wet surfaces in shower, spray mould spots with Tilex.
Get out of shower.
Dry with towel the size of a small country.
Wrap hair in super absorbent towel.
Check entire body for spots, tweeze hairs.
Return to bedroom wearing long dressing gown and towel on head.
If you see husband along the way, cover any exposed area.

HOW TO SHOWER LIKE A MAN:
Take off clothes while sitting on the edge of the bed.
Leave in a pile.
Walk naked to the bathroom.
If you see wife along the way, shake knob at her making woo-hoo sound.
Look at manly physique in the mirror.
Admire size of your knob and scratch your ass.
Get in the shower.
Wash your face.
Blow your nose in your hands and let the water rinse them off.
Wash your armpits.
Make fart noises (real or artificial) and laugh at how loud they sound in the shower.
Spend majority of time washing privates and surrounding area.
Wash the soap from your butt crack, leaving those course hairs on the soap.
Shampoo hair. Make shampoo Mohawk.
Pee.
Rinse off and get out of shower.
Partially dry-off.
Fail to notice water on floor.
Admire knob size in mirror again.
Leave shower door open, wet mat on floor, light and fan on.
Return to bedroom with towel around waist.
If you pass wife, pull off towel, shake knob at her and make woo-hoo noise again.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ I just took one of those showers...the female version, that is. Here was my version:
-shampoo hair twice, Garnier Fructise
-condition with Fructise conditioner
-wash face, ears, neck, personal bits and feet with scented Shea Butter soap.
-wash face to feet with Avon Tranquil Moments bath and shower gel on one of these...

I never know what they're called. To me, they're 'scrubbies.'
-pumice stone on feet
-Olay Regenerating Lotion around eyes and mouth
-foot massage and moistening
Am now off to do my Mary Kay hand treatment.

There was a reason for that kind of shower, which is not my normal one. As I scrubbed and scrubbed, I felt I needed to wash death away. I needed to cleanse myself before I could resume my ife here. It was, strangely, like a purifiication ritual. That and the fact that my water pressure is so much better than Mom's.

As I walked Sadie a couple hours ago, I realized that I'd had to say good-bye to Dad many times in the last month:

To Dad, as I cared for him on his hospital bed in the living room.
To the dad who carried me on his shoulders out into the ocean so far I was afraid, yet not really afraid, because Dad would always make sure I was okay.
To the dad who would moan, as I would apologize, while cleaning him.
To the Dad I fought to medicate that last week or so.
To Dad when he was no longer so responsive
Through family I hadn't seen in years, who'd known Dad for 60 years.
Through neighbors and friends who loved him.
With my mother and brother. The only ones left who've been significant in my life, for all of my life.

And tonight, when I came back to my spce, I had to say good-bye to Dad again. This is the point at which I must put my life back together, a life which will never again have the benefit of Dad's physical presence. It is another saying good-bye.

It was a very difficult place in my life to lose my Dad, from a therapy perspective. I had finally worked through my anger with Dad's drinking most of my life, with my mother's co-dependence. (Okay, maybe I'm still working on that one.) I had finally gotten past the bitterness to a palce of appreciation. I did everything I could, while Dad was still in command of his senses, to make sure he knew that I'd forgiven him, that I would never love another man as much as I love him, that he was special, that he mattered. I just wish we'd had more time. I wish we could have related to each other more throuh my new perspective, as two adult who love and appreciate each other. I wish I could be certain that my messages got through to him. I l ove you, Dad.

Damn, it almost HAS taken a sledge hammer to get me sleepy tonight. It's 5:00 AM. Time to put the AC on 'fan.' Good thing Sadie went out to walk around 2:30 because Mom's not likely to see the morning again tomorrow.

(I've added thoughts I wanted to in the wee hours, when the Lunesta finally kicked in with a wollop. I don't know if this violates any blogging rules but it really doesn't matter. I've got to do what I need to do.)

It's got to get easier. I hope being back in my own life and space facilitates that.