Woo-hoo!

I've managed to add a site meter to my blog here. This might seem such a small step to those of you who have done this for a while, but it's a big accomplishment for me! Soon, I'll have to go out and see what other goodies I can find out there.

Dad is still with us, though he's now sometimes forgetting to take a breath. I don't think it's going to be much longer. Funny, when they came home from the oncologist's on Monday, Feb. 27, I thought, "about two weeks." Looks like it might be a little less than that but pretty close. And it's not even that I have so much knowledge of this disease or end-of-life issues. I haven't been involved with non-emergency end-of-life care in years. I can't remember all the processes and signals. It was just a feeling, an intuition. So much of my life is based on instinct. Too bad I often haven't trusted my instincts.

Mike is sleeping...he looked really tired this morning. I was glad to see him go off to bed. Mom went out for errands. She's still running away from it but it will soon catch up to her. I don't envy her when it does. For my part, I have decided not to hover. I'll soon go out to the shed and start trying to organize the past 50-odd years of my Dad's work and leisure life. I will allow Dad the freedom he needs to leave peacefully, without guilt, without fretting over my pain.

I'll see he gets his Morphine regularly. The hospice nurse and I talked Mom into letting us resume the Ativan. I worry about him having consciousness in a body he can no longer control. It feels too much like ALS or CP...housing a fully functional mind inside a body that no longer works. The Ativan is a good idea. He got a Tylenol suppository this morning for the fever. I wet his dry mouth often with moist swabs. I put Moisture Therapy balm on his lips. Trying to keep them kissable. I put a cool cloth on his forehead. He seems comfortable. I will leave him to do what he has to do without fear.

I hope that he has no fear. I'm not at all sure.