How I Know I'm Becoming an Adult

I bought a box of donuts tonight. God knows I do not need donuts. But I wanted them. So I bought them, along with a gallon of milk. I felt like eating a donut. The kind of donuts I chose have three flavors...plain, which I do not consider a real flavor, (A real flavor has actual flavor added to it. Flavor = sugar, in this case.) powdered sugar, (which is now into the realm of actual flavor) and, the ultimate taste experience, cinnamon sugar. (Yeah, now we're talking!)

In my youth, (or would that be a previous incarnation?) I would have reasoned, in that inimitable cheap PA German way, that the sensible thing would be to eat one plain donut along with one flavored donut as a serving. But tonight I threw caution to the wind. I ate two flavored donuts instead. I said, "Fuck it! I want flavor," and jumped into the abyss of hedonism.

It spread almost instantly. No sooner had I finished the cinnamon sugar donut than I pulled out a plain donut and gorged myself on a third!

Woo-hoo! Who knew I was capable of taking such risks!

I'm exhausted now...